The Unreal Times: Uttar Pradesh to be renamed “Gujarat” so that coverage of Gujarat riots can continue unabated
Fresh from launching the proposal to carve a new Telangana state, the UPA government has decided to rename Uttar Pradesh as Gujarat, so that the media can continue to do stellar job of saturation coverage about the Gujarat riots for many more decades to come.
“Things were going awesome so far, what with riots being nearly synonymous with Gujarat 2002,” explained an UPA leader on condition of anonymity,”but over the past few months, this useless Akhilesh has poured water over our hard work with his administrative incompetence. The chap seems to be in no mood to stop the religious divide in his state. Whenever a riot happens, the media does an awesome job by comparing it to 2002, but how long can that go? That’s why we decided on renaming Uttar Pradesh as Gujarat so that the weekly and monthly communal clashes that happen over there can all be considered under Gujarat riots and there can be many more blows to the divisive Modi. Akhilesh can still be the dynamic, charismatic, skull-cap sporting, paragon of secularism.”
Minutes after the decision, news channels were abuzz with headlines about riots in the new Gujarat, with star anchors bending over backwards to do some kick-ass live reporting. Congress president Sonia Gandhi, who had earlier called Modi “maut ka saudagar,” has apparently been thinking of calling him “maut ka udhyogpati”, taking into account all the communal clashes in the new Gujarat.
Meanwhile, the BJP went hammer and tongs at the move, with spokespersons Meenakshi Lekhi and Smriti Irani going ballistic in television debates. Soon, however, a consensus was reached after a meeting of Sonia Gandhi, PM Manmohan Singh and senior Congress BJP leaders like Sushma Swaraj and LK Advani.